4 Keys to Talking to Your Children after a Mass Shooting

Unfortunately, mass shootings have become all too common, and parents are struggling to help their children (and themselves) feel safe in such an unpredictable world. becomes a crime scene, it can be hard. Once upon a time, parents taught their children to stay safe by avoiding dangerous places. These days, the places that sometimes become dangerous are the same ones that should be safe. For example, when schools, churches and even the Kansas City Chiefs Superbowl Parade become crime scenes, it gets much harder to identify the safe places. This presents a grave dilemma for parents who want to keep their children protected while also still allowing them to have a full and memorable childhood.  

Calm your emotion before talking to children

An important thing to remember is that children take their cues from adults, so we want to calm our own emotions first before discussing with children. This is sometimes hard to do if children are present when you get upsetting news, but as much as possible, take some time to settle yourself before speaking with your children. If your emotion is high, the child will not only feel it but will likely absorb it. The goal as a parent is to reduce their fear, not increase it.

Don’t ignore the problem

For parents of young children, it can feel easier to simply not address these types of issues to maintain the child’s innocence. This makes sense for babies and toddlers who aren’t yet old enough to comprehend, but for school age children who are spending time with other children and could possibly hear it from them, you want to be the one to share information first. If they hear it from other children, who knows how factual or helpful the information will be.

Be brief, age appropriate, and focus on the helpers

Children rarely benefit from full details on violent events. Share with them the basic overview of what, when and where. (Who and why are less important depending on age.) Be sure to highlight what was done/is being done to remedy the problem and restore safety. A sample script could look like,

 “I’m feeling really sad right now because someone went to (location) and injured/killed people yesterday/last week/some days go. The police/security/helpful people arrived quickly and (insert what they did to restore safety).

End on an empowering note and teach them to look for helpers

It’s hard not to feel helpless in these situations, but it is helpful to teach children how to observe their environment and be safe in crowds. For example, teach them tips like having an agreed upon meeting place if you get separated, and staying on the outskirts of crowds to avoid stampedes.  Teach them how to look for safe and helpful people. Thankfully, it’s still a true statement that safe people outnumber unsafe people, so teach children to look for the people who want to help. Helpers can include, of course, police or security officers, but also other uniformed employees, adults with children, or people who appear to be in charge or helping other people. Tell them there are so many people working to make spaces safer for them. Lastly, reassure them that in a crowd, there will always be adults who want to keep children safe.